BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

The shriek of your alarm clock bores straight through the front of your skull into the softest, most sensitive part of your brain.

How in god’s name did you get here? What has happened to you?

Doing your best not to move the throbbing wreck of your head, you examine your surroundings.

You try to open your eyes, but are immediately stabbed by icepicks of light, and close them again, groaning.

You’re going to have to Helen Keller your way around your bed.

You seem to be alone. But that means there’s no one to blame for the piss spot pooling around your crotch. Fuck.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Portions of last night are coming back in flashes. All of them are of you, alone, plus vodka, with reruns of Perfect Strangers playing on the television.

You start searching for the alarm, eyes still closed, knocking over a glass of something liquid in the process.

It has to be around here somewhere.

You squeeze your eyes shut as sweat beads roll down your forehead. You can taste vodka on your breath.

Stop thinking about vodka. Think of anything else in this world but vodka.

You immediately think of every single vodka drink you had last night.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

You actually want to die. Getting up for work is not an option at the moment.

If you want to call in sick, click here.

If you want to hit the snooze button on your alarm clock, click here.