You scroll around on Netflix for twenty minutes or so. What’s this Orange Is the New Black? Maybe you could be the one to turn your friends on to it…

Just as the opening credits finish, your feed kicks out.

You open Morgan’s computer, two cubes over, but the internet isn’t working there, either. It has to be the servers. They’ve been on the fritz for months.

You haven’t seen a single other person at the office, so you have to assume no one will know about this yet. You have no option but to text your boss.

You while away the afternoon playing CandyCrush on your phone. Just as you’re about to shut down your computer and go home, a mere half-hour before closing time, you get a text back.

Do you mind sticking around to let in the electrical people? They should be there soon. 

You were so close to the finish line! But you have to say yes. Technically, your “work” day isn’t even over yet.

Hours later the electrician shows up, smelling like tantalizing leftovers. After a few trips back to headquarters for parts, and a longish “federally mandated” Dancing with the Stars break, he finally finishes up…at 11:48 PM. Exhausted, you head home. Surely this will at least get you some flex time.

You spend the weekend binge-watching Orange Is the New Black while playing CandyCrush on your phone. Monday morning arrives before you can even blink. You head into your regular all-office meeting, feeling mildly perky. They’ll have to give you some sort of thank-you gesture, right?

“I’d just like to say, uh-uh-uh,” your boss says, “thanks to those who stuck around Friday to let the electrical people in. Alright! Let’s get to work!”

Everyone rushes out the door.

A shout out? A non-descript, general shout out? Not only did you take a Thanksgiving Day bullet without a whimper, but you missed out on hours of night-pants-wearing, sofa-bound CandyCrushing! Hours.

Fuck this fucking company.

Fuck this fucking job.

Extra-fuck your fucking boss.

You know there are at least half a dozen Yelp-style review sites for companies.

Today’s new to-do list: find them all before lunch.

 

THE END.


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