Jesus, is it hot. Body parts chafing each other raw, forearm-sweating within seconds of stepping outside, heat lines off the pavement distorting your vision hot.

And you’re in a bus without any AC.

You crawl along through backed up traffic on your way to work. Some days you like the long bus ride. You can read a book, or more likely, tell yourself you’ll read a book but wind up playing games on your phone the entire time.

Today, though, it’s all you can do to breathe. The bus is overcrowded–clearly the traffic has thrown off the schedule–and without AC, every moment is torture.

The weird, musty smell of the elderly gentleman a few feet away is unignorable, expanding in the heat like a bloated corpse. A petite woman nearby is eating an egg and cheese sandwich, and the greasy-fart smell is occasionally mixing in with the eau-de-elderly, a swirl of scent horror. You can feel someone’s hot, damp breath on your neck, which is disgusting, but also the closest thing you have to air circulation.

Truly, no one has ever endured such pain as you right now. Ever.

By the time you get to the office, you’re literally dripping sweat. Hair is sticking to your neck in little snaky sweat-vines, and your shirt is limp, the huge patches of damp fabric beneath your arms, along the entire small of your back, and for some reason, right around your belly button sticking to you lewdly. The minute you step into the building, you’re overwhelmed by the smell of your own armpits, which have already decimated your deodorant.

And it’s not even 9AM yet.

You keep meaning to bring a stick of deodorant and a change of clothes to leave in your drawer, but it’s too late for that, now. Right now, you look like a wrung-out rag and you smell like rotten onions.

If you want to borrow the deodorant of a coworker who planned better than you, click here.

If you want to attempt a paper towel and soap-dispenser “shower,” click here.


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