You take a deep breath in before plunging your hand into the toilet-water.

It’s truly horrible. You vomit-burp from the sheer grossness of it all.

However, you do manage to pull it out.

You set your phone down on the sink and start to wash your hands compulsively, as if you were about to perform surgery.

You pinch the sides of your phone with your thumb and index finger and walk down the hall to the office kitchen.

You know there’s a half-filled bag of Uncle Ben’s rice that’s been sitting on the communal shelf since before you were hired.

You toss your phone into the bag and shake it around.

The shit-water slowly starts to absorb into the rice.

You make a new pot of coffee, pour yourself a cup, drink it–God, why can’t they buy something better than Folger’s?–then pull out your phone.

Magically, it works…though you’re not thrilled about pressing it up to your face anytime soon.

*    *    *    *    *

Lunchtime at the office. The single 30-minute sliver of not-horrible in an otherwise brutal, relentless existence.

You stroll into the office kitchen to grab your lunch and see your office crush, Alex, eating over by the microwave.

Play it cool.

“Hey Alex.”

“Oh, hey there.”

“Whatcha got?”

“Just some rice,” Alex says.

You shudder a little, thinking of the morning’s events.

“Cool. Takeout?”

“No, I’m trying to save money,” Alex says. “This was just sitting on the communal shelf.”

Didn’t you toss out that bag of rice after you used it?

“Gotta love Uncle Ben’s, right?” Alex says, scooping up a mouthful of rice with her fork.

Apparently not…


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