You rummage through a mug filled with forks and knives until you find something that’s probably sharp enough to do the job.

Luckily, you’re still a bit numb from the hangover, so carving out this growth shouldn’t hurt too much.

You grab a bottle of vodka, conveniently already open on the kitchen counter, and take a splash of it.

You also douse the knife in a sloppy attempt to sterilize the blade.

You steady your right hand and start feeling around for the lump.

Easy does it… Easy does it…

Oh shit—that incision was pretty deep. There seems to be a lot of blood pouring out of you. Maybe you cut through an artery? Are there arteries on backs? That’s probably an academic question, considering the current situation…

If you want to cauterize the wound yourself, buy your copy of CYOM: TOA today!

If you want to call an ambulance, buy your copy of CYOM: TOA today!