No matter how you rearrange the flavors, this communal-food lunch is gonna suck. But at this point, you’re too hungry to care.

You spread mustard on a few saltine crackers, then add a dash of ranch dressing to each one before placing another cracker on top.

You make a baker’s dozen or so. That should probably hold you over for an hour or two.

Just as you’re about to bite into the first cracker sandwich, your boss walks in with a client.

“That’s, uh-uh-uh, an interesting lunch option,” he says, frowning. That tic of a laugh is even worse when he’s clearly judging you.

“Yeah, I thought I’d mix it up a bit. Keep my metabolism… guessing?” That sounds plausible. “I’m trying to drop a few pounds.”

“Well, uh-uh-uh, just save some saltines for the rest of the gang,” he says. “I know the operations team has a wine and cheese social planned.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yup. Next Thursday, uh-uh-uh, right at 5 p.m,” you boss says. “It would be great to see you there .”

5 p.m.? Fuck that. Your work day ends when they stop paying you.

“I’ll look forward to it,” you respond.

After you finish eating your ‘lunch,’ you head back to your desk and open your email.

Shit. You’ve got a new one from your boss and the subject reads

Personal money-management seminar

You open it.

I know this might be an awkward subject to broach at work, but if you scavenging the communal food supplies is any indication of the state of your personal finances, you should seriously consider this money-management seminar I took a few months back. Had to make sure I wasn’t making any missteps. But I wasn’t! =)

He’s included a signup link. You feel insulted, even though he’s basically dead on. You respond with your standard white lie:

Thanks for the heads up. I just signed myself up!

Your boss instantly responds back:

Great. My friend is running it. I’ll tell him to keep an eye out for you, but make sure you introduce yourself afterwards just in case. I want to hear what you think.

Fuck. Now you actually have to go.

THE END

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