The FML Blog

FMBoss’s Office Cats

After college, I decided to move to France for a kick.

Unfortunately, not being able to speak French really hurt my employment prospects. Who knew?

I had to take whatever I could get. So I joined a very small company which operated out of a glorified shoebox.

Although the size of the office didn’t really bother me, the office cats did (largely because I’m allergic to pretty much every animal out there).

At first I made a complaint to my boss. Unwise move. She owned all of the cats.

She said that if the cats bothered me that much, I should look for work elsewhere.

Compassionate person, right?

So rather than sneezing and having my eyes run all day long, I came to work every day that summer heavily medicated.

In hindsight, it was probably exactly what I needed to get through all of that data entry.

FMVacation Policy

My office is really small–under 10 people–so vacation time around holidays is always a struggle.

Last Christmas, I asked to take an entire week. I still had the time, and my family lives in California, so I need more than a couple days to get out to see them. My boss said it wouldn’t work, that “everyone needs to be willing to sacrifice” so that we can stay open around the holidays.

This while the owner was already planning his three-week family vacation to Hawaii.

I suck it up, and plan on a friends Christmas and maybe a couple days off around New Year’s.

Day after Christmas, I’m in the office at the crack of dawn, guess who’s not?

My boss. She took “sick days” the rest of the week.

-J. H., P.R. industry

FMBoss’s Chihuahua

My work is “pet friendly,” but my manager’s dog is so high strung, and barks so loudly at any other dog it sees, that all that really means is my manager brings his shitty chihuahua to work.

When I say “shitty,” I mean it literally.

Last week, I went out to lunch with a few people from my team, and when I came back to the office, I noticed that it smelled funny. I didn’t think much of it until I kicked off my shoes and put my foot down in something mushy.

You guessed it. The dog had decided the spot underneath my desk was a great place to take a dump.

The worst part is that my manager laughed about it and called the stupid asshole dog a “naughty little girl.” He even made his assistant clean it up, which was beyond awkward.

I knew this job would make me hate a lot of things, but I never thought it would make me hate animals.

Anonymous, Beverage industry

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It was the dead of winter.

It was cold. It was dark. It was miserable.

I talked to my boss extensively about booking a vacation.

I got the green light. Only three more weeks of bone-chilling wind and snow until I’d be on the beach somewhere in Mexico.

One day after booking this non-refundable trip, however, I was called into the office. Everyone looked as though someone had just died. The boss even had tears rolling down his cheek.

I was being fired.

I had literally just booked this incredibly expensive vacation with my boss’s approval only a day prior…

As it turns out, spending a beach vacation surfing LinkedIn with shitty resort wifi isn’t exactly relaxing.

-Gary M., Social Media Manager

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FMMicromanaging Boss

I work in PR for a small company, and before they hired me, they didn’t have a dedicated PR person. Which means that almost everything I do, the company president feels the need to oversee personally.

Unfortunately, he never seems to know what he wants, which means that I often end up in the position I was in this week. After multiple discussions about how best to go after an industry award, I drafted an application and sent it to him for approval (yes, he has to personally approve all my work).

The award was due mid-week; I sent it to him the Friday before, hoping to have a few days’ time to work in any edits he wanted (no matter how much I disagreed with them, because why listen to me, the person you hired to do this job?).

I don’t hear back from him until 4 PM the day before the award is due.

His suggestion? “How about instead of talking about our technological innovations in the industry [like we agreed on multiple times] we talk exclusively about our reputation for hands-on customer service.” Translation: how about you redo this thing you spent two weeks on, based on my essentially random recommendations, overnight.

After I sent it in I sent out my resume.

Lisa M., PR

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