“I can’t remember her name off the top of my head,” you lie. It’s Bianca Chevalier, one of a handful of DateXPressers you ‘check in on’ daily. “But I’m happy to let you take a look.”

You pull the window up again. At least you had this in its own window. You learned your lesson on tabs long ago—they’re just supporting evidence of your time-wasting.

Up comes the picture of Bianca. She’s stunning—well, more like ‘doing great with middling genes,’ but that’s what you’ve always liked about her, the idea that if you just got your shit together, you might have a shot.

Job: forest ranger. Interested in: all genders, they’re just constructs anyway. Favorite book: I don’t really read.

She’s like adventure wrapped up in fifteen extra pounds and a few yards of government-issued green twill.

“Looks like you have your eye on the same, uh-uh-uh, lovely little morsel I’ve been hoping to connect with,” your boss says with a chuckle, elbowing you in the shoulder chummily. You try not to show how much it hurts. “Good thing I need you to respond to that email I just sent you—that’s why I came over, by the way, to, uh-uh-uh, make sure you received it. Anyway, you get on that. I’m going to go priv-message Miss Bianca here before you snag her! Uh-uh-uh.”

“Sure,” you nod, relieved that you’re not in trouble. “May the best person win.”

“Oh, I will,” your boss says, staring at you hard before smiling—Jesus, being able to flip on that smile so quickly must be a sign of psychosis—and walking back to his office.

You look at Bianca’s picture for a moment.

What did he see there?

Could it be that you have the same taste as your boss?

The thought is too horrific to face head-on. Sighing, you x-out DateXPress.

You won’t be logging on again today. Not only do you have an email to read, you know, deep in your heart, that Bianca will always be stained for you from now on.

You just have to hope your boss hasn’t stumbled across Maureece, yet.


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