You place your laptop on the kitchen counter. You’re just going to have to hope that if you log in to your office server remotely now, no one will have noticed that you’ve been offline the entire morning.

You open up your laptop and navigate to your company’s remote access login site as you begin to mop up a spilled vodka and orange juice.

It asks you for your office VPN password.


You know the IT people made you set this up, but as far as you can remember, you’ve never once worked from home.

You did write it down at the time. And then you tucked it into your desk drawer at work, where it will do you absolutely zero fucking good.

Frantic, you try entering every password that you’ve previously used.


Gritting your teeth, you type in the last idea you can think of:


A window pops up. Maybe you’ve made it in?

“We’re sorry you’re having difficulty accessing our network today. In order to help you resolve this as quickly as possible, your issue has been flagged as urgent and forwarded directly to our IT department, who will be contacting you shortly.”

You let out a scream of frustration.

You look over at the microwave clock. It’s already 11 AM. Even if you were to go into work now, you’d have to take half a vacation day. Your last vacation day. Which would trigger a meeting with your boss, guaranteed.


If you want to call your doctor’s office and try to wrangle a note for work, buy your copy of CYOM: TOA today!

If you want to call IT and plead with someone to fix this, buy your copy of CYOM: TOA today!