You mindlessly click the next article on Buzzfeed’s header. You would work, really, but everyone checks out in December, right? Wouldn’t want to embarrass your colleagues by gunning too hard.

An email comes in from Bev. You don’t know her well, but she is your Secret Santa recipient in this year’s office-wide exchange. Has she figured you out already?  

You click open the email.

Hey folks,

I was under the impression that all Secret Santa gifts were meant to be non-denominational, right? My Frosty the Snowmen Advent calendar implicitly supports Christianity. As a Wiccan, I of course don’t subscribe to the church’s authoritarian imposition of “Advent.” I can’t help but to feel as though my present deliberately marginalizes my, and other, belief systems. Additionally, the chocolate found within the calendar seems to be non-organic, non-fair-trade, and appears to contain milk derivatives, though I think it should be obvious by now that I’m a vegan. Perhaps I’m mistaken, but didn’t we say ethical presents only?  

Love to get some clarification here.

Thanks, Bev

Oh for fuck’s sake.

You’d absolutely love to stick an icicle into Bev’s retina right about now. However, because she’s a manager, and chummy with your boss, you should probably do something to help mitigate against the damage.

 

If you want send out an office-wide email which satirizes Bev’s “war on Christmas,” click here.

If you want to win Bev over by making her next gift the best Secret Santa gift ever, click here.


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