Well fuck. Doesn’t Cynthia process your paychecks?

And is the entire marketing team singing backup vocals for Morgan as zombie-Amy right now?

You have to give it up. The free day off would be amazing, but it’s not worth another after-work sensitivity seminar.

“I’m so sorry, Cynthia, I really didn’t mean to offend anyone. Here, let me throw this away.” Reluctantly you drop your pudding into the garbage can. “I won’t enter the contest if it means upsetting my coworkers.”

Cynthia nods, looking down her long, thin nose at you.

“Next up…”

Your boss calls your name and starts gesturing you over.

Well shit.

You walk towards your boss and look around. What else could this costume possibly be?

“I’m, uh…the dad from…Growing Pains? You know, the Alan Thicke character. Mike…no, that’s the kid. Boner? No. No, that’s…uh…Jason! Yes. Jason Seaver.”

Morgan raises a painted-on eyebrow and leans towards a neighbor to whisper loudly.

“None of the panache of Alan Thicke in that getup.”

You grimace, throw your arms open, and walk back into place.

Unsurprisingly you don’t take the prize…or any votes, actually. But Zombie Amy Winehouse winning? What a crock. That was tasteless years ago. Your coworkers are all brainless sheep.

You head back over to Cynthia. May as well lay it on thick; you already threw the game, you definitely don’t want a penalty, too.

“I just wanted to apologize again. I truly didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Yes, well, I appreciate that. My aunt would appreciate that.”

“Oh, was your aunt one of the…man, I’m so sorry.” An aunt raped by Bill Cosby, huh? Cynthia’s more interesting than you thought.

“No, not my aunt. Someone she knew.”

Okay, that connection is getting kinda tenuous.

“A close family friend?” you offer. Maybe they were one of those families that all hung out together for every holiday or something.

“No, a girl she went to elementary school with. At least until the girl’s family moved away in the third grade. I think that’s what Auntie Lois told my mom. She could only see part of the girl’s facebook profile without friending her.”

Oh fuck this. You knew you should have gone full-Cosby.

THE END.


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