“Schools statewide have already been called off for tomorrow, and the governor is urging citizens to stay off the roads for their own safety,” the shellacked-looking news anchor says, grin never faltering.

You lean towards the TV set, hungry for more.

“The snow will start overnight, but it will reach peak levels around 7-8 AM. So forget about that morning commute!”

Yes. What magical, beautiful words. The blizzard rolling in is going to be epic–if even a quarter of the snow they’re predicting actually falls, it’ll be the biggest storm this year.

Your work has to allow everyone to work from home, don’t they?

They’ve been remarkably shitty about it in the past. Just look at last winter’s “Winter Storm Jehosophat” debacle. After sending out a list-serv email Wednesday night saying the whole office could work from home Thursday, your boss sent a second email around ten o’clock Thursday morning saying “looks like the forecast was more bluster than blizzard! Please be in by noon. Please respond to this email to confirm receipt.”

In fact, you don’t remember them ever giving a snow day and sticking to it. Unless, of course, you have children, and then you get to work from home whenever you damn well please. God you hate people with children.

But this is different. If the government is ordering people to stay home, they can’t exactly force you in, can they? That would be a felony! Or at least a potential moving violation.


If you want to play the odds and head out for a few celebratory blizzard drinks, click here.

If you don’t want to jinx this, just pretend it’s any other school night, click here.