That email easily took you five minutes of legitimate thought. You’ve earned a little break.

You don’t really have to pee, but you’ll take literally any excuse you can to leave your desk for a few minutes. Plus, you’re still kind of hungover after last night’s “Meuh, it’s Monday” drinks; moving around will keep you from falling asleep at your desk.

You could take a big loop to the main bathrooms on the first floor, where all the conference rooms are, but that’s a lot of effort. The one-staller near everyone’s desks is at least 90 seconds closer. Which means you can sit on the toilet playing Candy Crush for that much longer before anyone expects you back at your desk. Times two; 90 seconds for each way.

You decide to start off by peeing–better to get it out of the way so you can fully enjoy your zoning out time–but it’s hard to get it out. You’re really having to push. Jesus, is that orange color normal?

Oh no, you’ve pushed too hard. So hard you have to take a shit. Like…now.

But everyone knows this bathroom is off-limits for shitting. Everyone’s desks are on this floor, and the reception area is barely twenty feet away. There’s not even a toilet brush or a can of air freshener in here; if that’s not a clear “no shitting allowed” signal, you don’t know what is.

Things are urgent now, though. Hangover urgent. You can already feel yourself breaking into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

If you want to just let loose and shit here, click here.

If you want to hold it in and head downstairs to the shitting-allowed bathrooms, click here.

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